March 31, 2013
I WISH I MIGHT NOT

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There are places where no mind should go.  There is no reason and there is no need.  But as if rooted in our genes, there is the worry.  What if there is not enough?  What if I’m left with nothing?  The truth is, there is plenty to go around.

The feeling will gnaw at you, like a canine on a bone.  Relentlessly it will scrape and pull and dig.  Until there is nothing left.  And then you will have lost anyways.

You can try to pretend you haven’t gone there.  But these places are magnetic.  They pull at you.  You fight with your arms, your legs, you kick; you scream the whole way down.  Your fingernails dig grooves into the pavement as they try desperately to keep you from revisiting.  You learned the last time, you don’t want to go back.

But one by one, your nails are plucked off.  Like bottle caps they land in the street, each in succession, each making the same dreadful sound.  Your fleshy fingertips are left naked and exposed.  The nerve endings throb.  They too scream.  At this point you can release the ground you were hoping would save you to try to cover your ears.

You will eventually find your footing.  And start the work to get back.  It’s a long way to go so as your trudge forward you study your hands up close and try to figure out where yours went.  The nails will begin growing back, maybe faster than you thought possible.  But they are thicker now.  And you will never forgive how ugly they’ve become.

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